Day 3
Lisa Sheffler, author
In C.S. Lewis’ well-known Srewtape Letters, a senior tempter who works for the Devil instructs a junior tempter in the best ways to lure humans into sin. He makes the point that Satan and all his demonic host could never invent a pleasure. Pleasurable things that bring joy and satisfaction could only be created by God. The Devil’s trick is to entice people to use the good things of God in ways or to degrees which God has forbidden. This is certainly true of sex. God isn’t against sexual pleasure. He’s against sexual pleasure that is dehumanizing.
As we saw yesterday in the first part of Proverbs 5, the Wise Father warns his son to stay clear of the adulterous woman and her smooth-talking ways. In the second half of the speech, we’ll see him continue this warning and encourage his son to find sexual satisfaction with his wife.
Read
Proverbs 5:11–23
11 At the end of your life you will groan,
when your flesh and body are spent.
12 You will say, “How I hated discipline!
How my heart spurned correction!
13 I would not obey my teachers
or turn my ear to my instructors.
14 And I was soon in serious trouble
in the assembly of God’s people.”
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
20 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
21 For your ways are in full view of the Lord,
and he examines all your paths.
22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them;
the cords of their sins hold them fast.
23 For lack of discipline they will die,
led astray by their own great folly.
Ask Yourself
- According to this passage, what does the Wise Father believe will be the outcome of an adulterous affair?
- How does he encourage the son to view sex within marriage?
- Who will the son ultimately answer to if he follows the wrong path?
Read what others say
From Ray Ortlund:
The key to understanding the sexual wisdom of Proverbs is to combine both form and freedom, both structure and liberation.
Conservative people love form and restraint and control. Progressive people love freedom and openness and choices. Both see part of the truth, but wisdom sees more.
Wisdom teaches us that God gave us our sexuality both to focus our romantic joy and to unleash our romantic joy. When our desires are both focused and unleashed—both form and freedom—our sexual experience becomes wonderfully intensified. A marriage can flourish within both form and freedom, because sex is like fire. In the fireplace, it keeps us warm. Outside the fireplace, it burns the house down. This passage in Proverbs 5 is saying, “Keep the fire within the marital fireplace, and stoke that fire as hot as you can.”
From Ellen Davis:
All sexual relationships are deep. Adulterous love is deep and deadly; the strange woman and her lover are bound for Sheol, the death Pit. By contrast, “the wife of your youth” is a cistern, a well, a fountain (vv. 15, 18). The extended water imagery that represents the well-known and trusted woman is uniquely powerful; water is the most precious natural resource in semi-arid Israel, and it can never be taken for granted. As the Bible repeatedly reminds us, in a land where there is not nearly enough fresh running water, the rainwater that is stored in cisterns and replenishes deep underground wells is a sign both of God’s graciousness and of Israel’s continual dependence on God. Could not something similar be said of a faithful marriage? It is a sign of God’s favor and a source of strength. Yet at the same time, we must remember that, like all living things, a marriage is frail and stands in continual need of God’s grace and protection, as well as of human nurture.[1]
From Tremper Longman:
The father addresses this concern with all the rhetorical power that he can muster because the temptation is great. An intimate relationship with a woman outside the bounds of marriage promises great pleasure and satisfaction. The truth behind the appearance, however, is that such liaisons result in tremendous pain. Thus, the father warns the son not to follow one’s desires, but rather to obey the instruction. If the son does not do so, he will deeply regret the ruin that he has brought into his life.
However, the father does not stop with warning about bad behavior; he also encourages the son to proper behavior in the area of intimate relationships. Using quite provocative metaphors, the father tells the son to enjoy intimacy with his wife. In this discourse, the son is married, so we are likely to think of him as a young adult. In any case, the father encourages the idea that the best defense (against committing adultery) is a strong offense (reveling in the joys of marital sex). However, in the end, he appeals to the watching eye of Yahweh to push the son to proper behavior. Obedience is what separates the righteous from the wicked, and the wicked end up dead.[2]
Pray
Even between a loving husband and wife, sex can be an issue that causes cracks in a marriage, rather than fortifying the union. If that’s the case for you, pray for your spouse. Pray that you will show them the grace and understanding that they need in this area. Then ask for wisdom on how to address the issue. Pray for open communication and that your marriage would be strengthened by your sexual relationship. Maybe it’s time to bring the issue out into the open and seek help. Pray for discernment. Pray that God would bless every aspect of your marriage.
What about if you’re single? Like marriage, singleness can be a gift, but not without its struggles. If you are single, then by implication, Proverbs is telling you that you should abstain from sex. That’s the wise thing to do. If you’re not, pray about it. If you are, but struggle with celibacy, pray over that. Regardless, ask God to help you find joy in your singleness.
Talk about it
- What are some of the reasons that sex can become a difficult issue in marriage? What about for singles? How can some of the other wisdom we’ve learned in Proverbs about “fear of the Lord,” meaningful conversations, friendship, and anger help?
[1] Ellen F. Davis, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Songs, ed. Patrick D. Miller and David L. Bartlett, Westminster Bible Companion (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2000), 52–53.
[2] Tremper Longman, 157–158.
