Day 2
Lisa Sheffler, author
God created sex as a beautiful gift, but when sex is used in ways that fall outside of God’s design, the consequences can be devastating. We probably all know someone who ended up with a broken heart, broken marriage, or even a broken life because of sexual sin. This sad reality is true today just as it was thousands of years ago when the book of Proverbs was written. So, in teaching people how to live wisely, Proverbs has a lot to say about sex.
In week 1 we discussed why and to whom Proverbs was originally written, and we should return to those ideas. A lot of scholars believe that this collection of proverbs was originally used to train young men. Of course, the wisdom contained in this book applies to everyone, but there are parts of Proverbs where you notice the focus on sons. This week, we’re going to take a look at three speeches that the wise Father gives to his teenage or young adult son, and avoiding sexual sin is a big topic.
Knowing this ancient context helps us answer a more modern concern. Sometimes women, particularly women who’ve been sexually victimized or abused, find these passages difficult because they only address a female aggressor and don’t instruct young men in valuing, protecting, and respecting women. To speak to this concern, we have to look at the context.
According to Old Testament scholar Tremper Longman, the son being addressed has already been well-taught. He knows how he should treat women and is being encouraged to hold to the instruction of his Father and Mother and stay on the right path.
Longman goes on, “It is our contention that this explains why the son is warned against a predator female rather than being admonished to not be predatory himself. Indeed, based on modern statistics—and we have every reason to assume ancient ones as well—it is more likely that a male would attempt to seduce a woman than vice versa. In this regard, Proverbs has been painted as a piece of sexist literature, but such a judgment does not take into account the status of the young man.”[1]
Proverbs is not painting all women as seducers, but it certainly warns against those who are. The speeches we’re looking at this week can just as easily be applied to predatory men as to wayward women. All of us, young and old, men and women should receive the wisdom it offers so we can cultivate sexual integrity in our lives.
With all that in mind, let’s see what the wise father desperately wants his son to understand.
Read
Proverbs 5:1–10
My son, pay attention to my wisdom,
turn your ear to my words of insight,
2 that you may maintain discretion
and your lips may preserve knowledge.
3 For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil;
4 but in the end she is bitter as gall,
sharp as a double-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death;
her steps lead straight to the grave.
6 She gives no thought to the way of life;
her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.
7 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
do not turn aside from what I say.
8 Keep to a path far from her,
do not go near the door of her house,
9 lest you lose your honor to others
and your dignity to one who is cruel,
10 lest strangers feast on your wealth
and your toil enrich the house of another.
Ask yourself
- How is the adulterous woman’s speech described? What do you think that means? How does adultery or other sexual sin often start with speech?
- Based on verse 6, how would you describe this woman?
- What is the Wise Father’s instruction in verse 8? What does that mean?
Read what others say
From John Goldingay:
A married couple, who are both pastors, whom I know and love have just separated. The wife had confronted the husband about his close relationship with another woman. There had been no physical adultery, but it was a close relationship that compromised their marital relationship. The confrontation had led him to tell his wife that he had been addicted to pornography for many years. His wife now feels doubly betrayed, and the crisis has led to their giving up their joint ministry. I have some hope that the separation may not be permanent and that the relationship may find healing, but they are less hopeful than I am. I have to admit that the man’s sexual activities outside his marriage threaten the death of the marriage and the end of the ministries and of much of the promise of the lives that each of these individuals had.
Proverbs addresses just such situations—or rather, seeks to anticipate it. It knows that men get into sexual messes, and it seeks to forestall this process. One can sometimes wonder whether the church and society are excessively preoccupied by sexual sins, but actually that preoccupation reflects the huge, deep, far-reaching importance of sex to humanity. When sex goes wrong, it has profoundly disturbing and disruptive effects on personal relationships and on the family.
Proverbs analyzes the sexual politics of its society only in terms of male sexual activity; it wants men to follow their heads rather than some other part of their anatomy. In most societies it has been easier for men than for women to get away with sexual unfaithfulness. Further, one of Proverbs’ functions is to train men for service in government and administration (such service brings its own opportunities for sexual dalliance). In Western culture the opportunities and the pressures are more gender-inclusive, so a woman reading Proverbs will have to reverse the way it portrays the sexual roles. It’s the “alien” man who becomes the tempter.
What most translations render as “adulterous,” “immoral,” or “forbidden” is literally “strange” or “alien” in the Hebrew (See 5:3). This expression might have a number of backgrounds….Here’s one possibility. English parlance has often referred to the person with whom a man had an adulterous relationship as “the other woman,” which might be an equivalent expression to the ones Proverbs uses.
Regardless, she’s a woman who longs for a new love relationship, which can bring a temptation to a man. Maybe she has understandable reasons for that longing—maybe her own husband has been unfaithful, maybe he has thrown her out, maybe she’s alone and needy… Proverbs’ concern isn’t to understand her story but to get its male audience not to be vulnerable to it. Typically, Proverbs doesn’t focus on the fact that having an affair is wrong (though it will presuppose that this is so) but on the fact that it’s really stupid. Falling for her will ruin your life.[2]
Pray
Sexual temptation is one of those things it can be hard to be honest about, even with ourselves. But we’re got to get real, so God can redeem and restore those parts of us. You can’t shock God. He knows you, and because he loves you, he wants you to bring your struggles to him. Whether you are married or single, pray about the ways you are tempted sexually.
In Proverbs 5:8, the Wise Father is clear that staying on the right path means you avoid the path that leads to temptation. This requires wisdom. Once you are honest about what tempts you, how, and when, you can learn to approach these situations with wisdom. Let the Holy Spirit guide you. Pray for his wisdom now.
Talk about it
Discuss some of the sexual sins that people struggle with in our culture. While some things never change, the Wise Father didn’t have to warn against visiting porn sites and arranging “hook-ups” on dating apps. What advise do you think he would give to young men and women today? How would it be the same? What would differ?
[1] Tremper Longman III, Baker Commentary on the Old Testament: Proverbs (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2006), 181.
[2] John Goldingay, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Songs for Everyone, Old Testament for Everyone (Louisville, KY; London: Westminster John Knox Press; Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, 2014), 24–26.
