Ever since Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden, people have had reasons to fear being vulnerable. One of the first realizations the couple experienced after the fall was that they were naked. They were exposed and open to attacks both physical and emotional. They and all their descendants could no longer assume that they would be welcomed in peace and accepted in love by those they encountered.
Ever since the fall, we’ve felt the need to protect ourselves, not just from physical danger, but from those who would hurt us relationally. Some of us have developed a thick, turtle-like shell to draw ourselves into when we feel exposed. Maybe because we’ve been hurt in the past, we’re suspicious, wary, and quick to withdraw. We don’t want to risk being soft or vulnerable.
But here’s the problem with living like a turtle — you can’t love other people from inside your shell. Only the most superficial relationships are without risk. Real, genuine love requires vulnerability. Consider the vulnerability that Jesus shows during his last supper with his disciples.
Read
John 13:21–30 (NIV)
21 After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray me.”22 His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant. 23 One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. 24 Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, “Ask him which one he means.”
25 Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, “Lord, who is it?”
26 Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. 27 As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him.
So Jesus told him, “What you are about to do, do quickly.” 28 But no one at the meal understood why Jesus said this to him. 29 Since Judas had charge of the money, some thought Jesus was telling him to buy what was needed for the festival, or to give something to the poor. 30 As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out. And it was night.
How does Jesus’ relationship with his disciples provide a model for us?
Reflect
Perhaps because we know that he’s the divine Son of God, we can forget that Jesus experienced the same human emotions we do, because he was fully human. Though he never sinned, Jesus knew what it was to smile at a cute toddler, laugh at a good joke, or get hurt by a friend’s betrayal.
Judas had traveled with Jesus throughout his ministry. He’s walked the same roads, sat around the same tables, slept on the same ground as his teacher. He watched Jesus heal the sick and the injured, welcome the marginalized into his company, and heard him proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God. Yet, Judas listened to the whispered suggestions of the devil. We can imagine all kinds of ways Judas justified his betrayal, but ultimately he sold out his Savior for thirty pieces of silver and sealed the act with a kiss. Jesus knew this. He knew what Judas was going to do, and it hurt.
Beyond Judas’ betrayal, Jesus knew that Peter would deny him. He knew that the other disciples were going to abandon him. Yet here he sat, gathered around a table with his friends. John was so close that he could lean up against Jesus. He loved these people more than he feared the pain they might inflict upon him. He loves us the same.
To love is to risk. There is no way around it. But it’s worth it, because it’s only through making ourselves vulnerable that we can forge the deep bonds with others that we desperately need. True human connection is key to human flourishing.
Of course, there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. Some people are so broken that we need to pray for them to experience God’s healing before we truly open ourselves up to them. We can still love them without exposing ourselves to the kind of damage that they bring. Those kinds of relationships take both compassion and wisdom to navigate.
But too many of us are so afraid of vulnerability that we keep the majority of people at a distance. We’re lonely, anxious, and even addicted to things that we think will help us block the pain. We’ve made a comfortable home inside our shell, even if our souls are shriveling. It’s time for us to come out into the light and try.
If this doesn’t describe you, then know that the turtles in your life need you. By having meaningful conversations with them, you can invite them out of their shells. You can show them the unconditional love of Jesus. He’s the one who can heal the broken places and bring them to a place of peace, hope, and joy.
Evaluate your own relationships. Do you have close relationships beyond your immediate family? How comfortable are you with being transparent with other Christians in a small group? How could putting yourself out there more help?
The COVID-19 pandemic has caused a lot of us to feel more isolated and alone. Just because we’ve been asked to physically distance, doesn’t mean we have to emotionally distance ourselves. Who do you need to reach out to or check in with?
Respond
Praise God for the incarnation! Jesus knows all of your hurts and fears. Take all those feelings to him in prayer. Praise him for your brothers and sisters in Christ and ask him to forge tighter bonds between you and others in his body. Ask him for wisdom in how you can reach out to others who may be feeling isolated and alone. How can you share the love of Jesus?