Day 5
Someone in my life recently had a friendship “break-up.” It was a tough situation, and she was badly hurt. She thought this person was a true friend. When her confidence was betrayed, it was incredibly painful.
It’s sad how often friendships implode over words that are spoken. Proverbs has a lot of wisdom to offer us about our speech. Adopting it will help us with our friendships.
Read
Proverbs 25:9–10
9 If you take your neighbor to court,
do not betray another’s confidence,
10 or the one who hears it may shame you
and the charge against you will stand.
Proverbs 11:9; 12–13
9 With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbors,
but through knowledge the righteous escape.
12 Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense,
but the one who has understanding holds their tongue.
13 A gossip betrays a confidence,
but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.
Proverbs 24:28–29
28 Do not testify against your neighbor without cause—
would you use your lips to mislead?
29 Do not say, “I’ll do to them as they have done to me;
I’ll pay them back for what they did.”
Proverbs 26:18–19
18 Like a maniac shooting
flaming arrows of death
19 is one who deceives their neighbor
and says, “I was only joking!”
Ask Yourself
- Read back over the proverbs above. Make a list of what’s at issue.
- Do you have any personal experiences with these issues? Were you at fault? Or was it the other person, or both of you?
Read what others say
From Warren Wiersbe:
True friends know how to keep a confidence. “If you argue your case with a neighbor, do not betray another man’s confidence, or he who hears it may shame you and you will never lose your bad reputation” (25:9–10, NIV). If you have a disagreement with somebody, don’t bring another person into the discussion by betraying confidence, because you’ll end up losing both your reputation (“You can’t trust him with anything confidential!”) and your friend who trusted you with his private thoughts. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (11:13, NIV; see 20:19). If we aren’t careful, gossip can ruin a friendship (16:28), so the wise thing to do is to cover offenses with love (17:9; 1 Peter 4:8).
This leads to the next important quality for true friends and good neighbors: the ability to control the tongue. “With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape” (Prov. 11:9, NIV). Don’t believe the first thing you hear about a matter, because it may be wrong (18:17); remember that “a man of understanding holds his tongue” (11:12, NIV). If your neighbor or friend speaks falsely of you, talk to him about it privately, but don’t seek to avenge yourself by lying about him (24:28–29; 25:18). And beware of people who cause trouble and then say, “I was only joking” (26:18–19).
Explore on your own
How can we cultivate Christ-centered friendships? “Christ-centered friendship is about serving others, asking ourselves how God might use us in our friends’ lives and how He might want to use them in our lives.” Read the entire article from Tabletalk Magazine.
Pray
Father, thank you for friendship. Thank you for the love and care we receive from friends, and the opportunity to imitate your Son in loving and caring for them. Give us wisdom in our friendships. Guide us to be better friends.
Heal our hurts from broken relationships. Convict us when we have harmed others and send us to seek forgiveness. Spirit, reconcile and redeem as only you can.
Jesus, may we love and serve our friends as you have loved and served us. May we cultivate friendships where we link arms and move forward, strengthening and encouraging one another on the path to be more and more like Jesus.
Talk about it
- Discuss the role conversation and speech has in a friendship. What role do meaningful conversations have in cultivating and growing a friendship? How can unwise speech destroy a friendship?
Coming next week
Next week in our study of Proverbs, we’ll continue thinking about the role conversations plays in our lives. Proverbs has a lot to say about what we should and shouldn’t say!